The second week of Story and Audience
The second week was where we took everything we learnt by dissected films in the first week, and and built stories of our own.
What follows is the culmination for me of the two weeks.
Our final exercise was to create a trailer for our scripts and I'll post that later.
Audience
Anyone who enjoyed Alien, Long kiss goodnight, and Kill Bill.
Three sentences
Hester, a young refugee interned in a detention camp, must discover the strengths and talents she possesses after the protection of her father is removed when he is badly injured by a camp guard.
Embarking on a journey she is tested by both the land and its people.
She arrives at the center of this lands society and exposes them to the darkness their society harbors.
The world
Characters
Story and action beats
Hester On blimp with father looking after her.
Packed in with other refugees.
Her dad is single handily keeping the blimp airborne.
Blimp flying over the sea, is found by Australian jets.
The blimp is forced to follow the jets inland, and to touch down next to an internment camp.
We follow the blimps passengers through processing.
They meet Nanna Jo who is a long time internee who has befriended them.
In camp
Hester witness's young women in the camp being abused by the guards. Only her father's influence, due to his uncanny ability with engines keeps her safe.
It becomes apparent that Nanna Jo is in love with Hester's Father
Hester causes problems for other prisoners through her self centeredness and becomes outcast.
There is a secretive game the kids play in the compound which she joins, excels at, and ultimately ruins for the other kids.
Hester is forced to work in the camp garden and there she causes trouble.
In both cases she is rescued by her dad or Nanna Jo.
Catalyst for Hester Is losing the protection of her father forcing her to escape the camp into the unknown
Her father is working on the camps airplanes. Hester is helping him as no one else in camp likes her.
There he suffers an accident and can't protect her anymore.
She is driven to act and escape as she has made enemies of the guards and the other prisoners.
Environment: desert
Nanna Jo and Hester steal one of the camps planes and flee into the desert.
Nanna Jo has decided that something must be done to free the other detainees..
Hester just wants to get her dad back and to be safe.
They spot a car that's broken down and two bodies nearby
Nanna Jo insists that they land and help what turns out to be two men (Mo and Jed.)
They camp for the night.
In the morning they are caught by police.
Nanna Jo is killed
Hester is helped to escape the cops by Mo and Jed, and Hester is obliged to travel with them.
She starts to get interested in Mo.
Psycho farmer
Environment: agricultural
Farm run by small family.
Hester and Co. stop to get fuel and water.
Mo's intention is to rob the farmer.
Farmer captures Mo in the act.
Jed takes charge and organizes to free Mo, but it's Hester's insight that allows the pair to prevail.
Jed holds the wife hostage. Hester holds a gun to the dog's head (she's worked out that the farmer loves his dog more.)
Love blooms
Hester becomes romantic with Mo and is 'on top of the world.'
Jed is left sitting in cockpit drinking himself stupid.
There is a short period of 'happy families' as they fly towards the city.
Mo and Jed feel that the city is where their combined destinies lie.
Betrayal
Environment: urban
As they approach the city, Jed (possibly jealousy?) betrays Hester and Mo to the law.
Despair as they are incarcerated in refugee slave labor camp.
Split apart and forced to work and witness atrocities.
Hester befriends a family who give her an opportunity to be with Mo.
A totally 'take charge and get things done' Hester and Mo resolve to escape.
They are successful in part to Mo's sacrifice and Hester 'resolves to fight.'
Leader is born
Traveling by car which allows us to insert car chase.
She leads the family to the radio personality.
Publicizes atrocities in camps.
Exposes slave labor.
Original excerpt
Camp Airfield: Mid day
The airfield is a small strip laid out on the sand outside the camp. There are a few buildings, and several planes lined up along the runway.
Hester sprawls across a section of aeroplane wing. Her plane is parked in the middle of a line of identical planes.
She's around 21, short roughly cut hair.
She looks back at the barbed wire fence, glad to be looking at it from the outside 'looking in' for a change.
She would rather look back at the camp, then out into the desert which stretched away behind her.
Her dad grunts gently beside her, arms and head buried in the internals of the planes engine.
'Hand me a wrench honey' his muffled voice floats back to her.
She drops off the wing onto the sticky tarmac of the runway
Looks into the deep shadow cast by the wing, her eyes adjusting to the dark, searching for the tool chest
She spots the chest, and also notes the silhouette of a camp guard standing just behind it.
'Hello,' she says, 'checking up on us?'
'Just you HONEY heh'
'Kay'
She walks over to the tool chest on the ground in front of the guard, bends over and fishes out a wrench.
'Okay' her dads voice speaking to the pilot, floats down to her 'turn it over.'
The Engine above them choughs, prop spins once, vibrating to a halt, engine splutter.
She feels the rush of air driven backwards by the props, and looks back over her shoulder at the blades
Engine chough, prop spins once, engine splutter, fading blast of air.
Hester spins on her heel and scrambles up a ladder propped against the back edge of the wing.
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
Hummmmm said her dad. He was standing on the front edge of the wing watching the blades.
'What's up poppy?' she came up to stand next to his left shoulder.
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
Hummmmmm.
'Yeah, what's up?' said the guard who had materialised next to his right shoulder, which he violently shoved with his own.
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
Hester's dad, caught off balance by the shove stumbled forward, pivoted to keep his footing on the edge of the wing,
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
He leans back and the leading edge of the prop smacks into his hip throwing his body off the back of the wing.
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
Camp Infirmary:
Dark inside but lots of daylight spilling in through the windows
Dad is lying on a bed roll
Covered from the shoulders down by moth eaten blanket
His dirty feet poke out the bottom
Hester is kneeling next to him
Nanna Joe walks in and kneels beside her.
'The guards are throwing lots in the guard room sweetheart, we have to go now.'
'What?'
'We better make the most of what your dad taught you and get out right now.'
They leave the infirmary
Hester following along behind as Nanna Joe strides confidently forward.
Camp Water tower:
This tall metal structure is near the parameter fence
Nanna Joe walks between the straight metal legs which hold aloft a big water tank.
She crouches down by the small pump which drives bore-water up into the storage tank and opens its pressed metal casing.
Reaching inside, she undoes a bolt on the fly wheel, and unscrews the cap off fuel tank and drops it inside.
Hester watches her closing the casing and Squeezes the padlock shut.
The two walk over to the towers thin access ladder, and started to haul themselves up
Two Guards patrolling the fence hear the pump engine purring and walk over.
One of them peers into the internals of the pump casing through the vent slots
Sparks bounce around inside the box with each turn off the flywheel.
Putt, spray of sparks.
Oh shit, it's going to do it again!
One of the guard's runs off, the one left behind starts to kick at the padlock
Putt, spray.
Up on the tank Hester and Nanna Joe crouch down on a on the narrow metal mesh foot walk
Hester is helping Nanna Joe loosen the bolts holding the securing bands that encircle the tank
This is going to weaken the skin of the tank sweetheart so that it splits more easily' says Nanna
'Kay'
Putt, spray.
One of the sparks bouncing around inside the pump casing lands in the fuel tank
The pump explodes blowing the guard backwards
One of the three legs holding the tank aloft is now missing a section
The tank begins to lean. Creases appear in the base of the remaining legs
Sounds of tearing metal radiates out through the camp.
The tower falls over, across a section of the parameter fence. The tank ruptures on impact with the ground.
Hester and Nanna Joe are washed forward, surfing on a section of tank.
Prisoners drawn to the noise run through the section of crushed fence but stop out side the compound and start dancing about.
Hester and Nanna Joe disappear into the line of planes on the air field.
Camp airfield
Steal a plane
They break into one of the planes
Hester sits in the pilots chair and starts up the plane
Nanna Joe is bustling around getting stuff settled
Hester has to push the throttle with her foot, by bracing against her chair to force it open
The plane surges forward onto the runway
Nanna Jo is in the hold dropping grenades out the open door as they run down the runway
Explosions pepper the runway as the pull up into the sky
'We have to get to the city and find people who will listen' says Nanna Joe
Deep Desert: late afternoon
Flying for hours
See a crashed plane
Bit more flying and they see two bodies lying out in the desert
They land and drag the unconscious two men into the planes hold.
Have something to eat, and Fall asleep under the planes wing.
Government office: night
The minister is shown video of the demolished fence and the dancing detainees.
'Well at least most had enough sense not to strike out into the desert' comments the minister.
'Quite imaginative really. Can't tunnel through sand so remove a section of the fence and walk out.'
'Yes sir' replied the head of desert police
Deep desert: morning
Hester wakes and watches three cop planes landing around her
Armed cops jump out of the planes and walk over, forming a rough ring encircling the women
Hester and Mama Joe are made to kneel on ground
Cop posturing and they shoot Mama Joe
Off in the distance behind the action, observant viewers will see one of the pilots jerk in his cockpit and disappear.
'Why?' sobs Hester
'Shot while escaping darln, just like you will be. Cept we need to keep you healthy till Jake gets here. He won the sweeps.'
Pilot leaves the plane and walks over, stands in the circle with the other men
Suddenly one of the cops doubles over, then another, and a third. Then all the cops are running around trying to find cover.
The pilot merges into the chose, appearing at random monuments behind cops under cover of the sniper and killing them.
Two of the cop planes take off and are circling to attack the plane that is still grounded
The pilot walks up to Hester who is still kneeling on the ground next to her mother. Shes staring at the ground and doesn't notice that He's pointing his gun at her.
Hester suddenly looks up at him and starts to run away.
'Hay hay,' he flips up the mirrored visor,
It was one of the guys that they had picked up.
'Be calm, I'm going to stand here pointing this gun at you so that these pistol packing lawmen think they've got you covered, and leave off shooting in this direction.' He motions with his hand to the gunfight raging around them.
'Who did you think was causing all this panic in the ranks?'
Hester shakes her head.
'My brother is over in that jet'
He pointed to the cop plane that still sat on the sand. It explodes as one of the airborne jets strafed a line of shells through its mid section
'Well, not at this moment anyways.' He turns back to her and grins.
'We better get our bird in the sky quick smart, cause those planes will circle about and be back over here to clean us up.'
Hester looks up at him.
'Look you have a choice, sit here and die next to the old lady, or get that plane in the air and help me smack those turkeys back.'
A police Sargent breaks cover from behind a dune and runs over to the pair.
Jed drops his visor and turns to face him.
'You've got one hell of a "pair" Jonesie. Shoot her, and concentrate on taking down the nut that's out there.'
Jed nods and shoots the sergeant.
Hester watches the mirrored visor turn back to her.
It tilts a silent question.
She stands and walks back to her plane
Insert air battle
They shoot down the remaining cop plane. The brother sits in the co pilot chair giggling and fires the weapons but its Hester's flying that allows them to win
They land amongst the carnage.
Exiting the plane they locate the other brother who is searching through the bodies of the dead cops.
'Hay Mo, you still breathing' yells out Jed
Mo stands and looks at them.
He's tall, wiry, and Hester reckons he's good looking.
What follows is the culmination for me of the two weeks.
Our final exercise was to create a trailer for our scripts and I'll post that later.
Audience
Anyone who enjoyed Alien, Long kiss goodnight, and Kill Bill.
Three sentences
Hester, a young refugee interned in a detention camp, must discover the strengths and talents she possesses after the protection of her father is removed when he is badly injured by a camp guard.
Embarking on a journey she is tested by both the land and its people.
She arrives at the center of this lands society and exposes them to the darkness their society harbors.
The world
- A country where refugees are interned, out of sight of the citizens
- Comfortable democratic society
- Prisons run by corporations in a Desert
- Most people with 'half a brain' travel through desert in airplanes
Characters
- Hester: (Animus) young woman, twenty one, dependant on her dad becomes independent. Innately capable, she must become a hero.
- Father: (hero) strong, mechanic. Sacrificed in first act.
- Nanna Jo: (sidekick) older woman, becomes mother surrogate
- Jed: (trickster) enters in second act. Becomes Judas.
- Mo: (Anti hero) enters in second act. Becomes love interest.
Story and action beats
First act
IntroductionHester On blimp with father looking after her.
Packed in with other refugees.
Her dad is single handily keeping the blimp airborne.
Blimp flying over the sea, is found by Australian jets.
The blimp is forced to follow the jets inland, and to touch down next to an internment camp.
We follow the blimps passengers through processing.
They meet Nanna Jo who is a long time internee who has befriended them.
In camp
Hester witness's young women in the camp being abused by the guards. Only her father's influence, due to his uncanny ability with engines keeps her safe.
It becomes apparent that Nanna Jo is in love with Hester's Father
Hester causes problems for other prisoners through her self centeredness and becomes outcast.
There is a secretive game the kids play in the compound which she joins, excels at, and ultimately ruins for the other kids.
Hester is forced to work in the camp garden and there she causes trouble.
In both cases she is rescued by her dad or Nanna Jo.
Catalyst for Hester Is losing the protection of her father forcing her to escape the camp into the unknown
Her father is working on the camps airplanes. Hester is helping him as no one else in camp likes her.
There he suffers an accident and can't protect her anymore.
She is driven to act and escape as she has made enemies of the guards and the other prisoners.
Second act
Loses everyone from her previous lifeEnvironment: desert
Nanna Jo and Hester steal one of the camps planes and flee into the desert.
Nanna Jo has decided that something must be done to free the other detainees..
Hester just wants to get her dad back and to be safe.
They spot a car that's broken down and two bodies nearby
Nanna Jo insists that they land and help what turns out to be two men (Mo and Jed.)
They camp for the night.
In the morning they are caught by police.
Nanna Jo is killed
Hester is helped to escape the cops by Mo and Jed, and Hester is obliged to travel with them.
She starts to get interested in Mo.
Psycho farmer
Environment: agricultural
Farm run by small family.
Hester and Co. stop to get fuel and water.
Mo's intention is to rob the farmer.
Farmer captures Mo in the act.
Jed takes charge and organizes to free Mo, but it's Hester's insight that allows the pair to prevail.
Jed holds the wife hostage. Hester holds a gun to the dog's head (she's worked out that the farmer loves his dog more.)
Love blooms
Hester becomes romantic with Mo and is 'on top of the world.'
Jed is left sitting in cockpit drinking himself stupid.
There is a short period of 'happy families' as they fly towards the city.
Mo and Jed feel that the city is where their combined destinies lie.
Betrayal
Environment: urban
As they approach the city, Jed (possibly jealousy?) betrays Hester and Mo to the law.
Despair as they are incarcerated in refugee slave labor camp.
Split apart and forced to work and witness atrocities.
Third act
EscapeHester befriends a family who give her an opportunity to be with Mo.
A totally 'take charge and get things done' Hester and Mo resolve to escape.
They are successful in part to Mo's sacrifice and Hester 'resolves to fight.'
Leader is born
Traveling by car which allows us to insert car chase.
She leads the family to the radio personality.
Publicizes atrocities in camps.
Exposes slave labor.
Original excerpt
Camp Airfield: Mid day
The airfield is a small strip laid out on the sand outside the camp. There are a few buildings, and several planes lined up along the runway.
Hester sprawls across a section of aeroplane wing. Her plane is parked in the middle of a line of identical planes.
She's around 21, short roughly cut hair.
She looks back at the barbed wire fence, glad to be looking at it from the outside 'looking in' for a change.
She would rather look back at the camp, then out into the desert which stretched away behind her.
Her dad grunts gently beside her, arms and head buried in the internals of the planes engine.
'Hand me a wrench honey' his muffled voice floats back to her.
She drops off the wing onto the sticky tarmac of the runway
Looks into the deep shadow cast by the wing, her eyes adjusting to the dark, searching for the tool chest
She spots the chest, and also notes the silhouette of a camp guard standing just behind it.
'Hello,' she says, 'checking up on us?'
'Just you HONEY heh'
'Kay'
She walks over to the tool chest on the ground in front of the guard, bends over and fishes out a wrench.
'Okay' her dads voice speaking to the pilot, floats down to her 'turn it over.'
The Engine above them choughs, prop spins once, vibrating to a halt, engine splutter.
She feels the rush of air driven backwards by the props, and looks back over her shoulder at the blades
Engine chough, prop spins once, engine splutter, fading blast of air.
Hester spins on her heel and scrambles up a ladder propped against the back edge of the wing.
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
Hummmmm said her dad. He was standing on the front edge of the wing watching the blades.
'What's up poppy?' she came up to stand next to his left shoulder.
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
Hummmmmm.
'Yeah, what's up?' said the guard who had materialised next to his right shoulder, which he violently shoved with his own.
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
Hester's dad, caught off balance by the shove stumbled forward, pivoted to keep his footing on the edge of the wing,
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
He leans back and the leading edge of the prop smacks into his hip throwing his body off the back of the wing.
Chough, spins, splutter, fading blast of air.
Camp Infirmary:
Dark inside but lots of daylight spilling in through the windows
Dad is lying on a bed roll
Covered from the shoulders down by moth eaten blanket
His dirty feet poke out the bottom
Hester is kneeling next to him
Nanna Joe walks in and kneels beside her.
'The guards are throwing lots in the guard room sweetheart, we have to go now.'
'What?'
'We better make the most of what your dad taught you and get out right now.'
They leave the infirmary
Hester following along behind as Nanna Joe strides confidently forward.
Camp Water tower:
This tall metal structure is near the parameter fence
Nanna Joe walks between the straight metal legs which hold aloft a big water tank.
She crouches down by the small pump which drives bore-water up into the storage tank and opens its pressed metal casing.
Reaching inside, she undoes a bolt on the fly wheel, and unscrews the cap off fuel tank and drops it inside.
Hester watches her closing the casing and Squeezes the padlock shut.
The two walk over to the towers thin access ladder, and started to haul themselves up
Two Guards patrolling the fence hear the pump engine purring and walk over.
One of them peers into the internals of the pump casing through the vent slots
Sparks bounce around inside the box with each turn off the flywheel.
Putt, spray of sparks.
Oh shit, it's going to do it again!
One of the guard's runs off, the one left behind starts to kick at the padlock
Putt, spray.
Up on the tank Hester and Nanna Joe crouch down on a on the narrow metal mesh foot walk
Hester is helping Nanna Joe loosen the bolts holding the securing bands that encircle the tank
This is going to weaken the skin of the tank sweetheart so that it splits more easily' says Nanna
'Kay'
Putt, spray.
One of the sparks bouncing around inside the pump casing lands in the fuel tank
The pump explodes blowing the guard backwards
One of the three legs holding the tank aloft is now missing a section
The tank begins to lean. Creases appear in the base of the remaining legs
Sounds of tearing metal radiates out through the camp.
The tower falls over, across a section of the parameter fence. The tank ruptures on impact with the ground.
Hester and Nanna Joe are washed forward, surfing on a section of tank.
Prisoners drawn to the noise run through the section of crushed fence but stop out side the compound and start dancing about.
Hester and Nanna Joe disappear into the line of planes on the air field.
Camp airfield
Steal a plane
They break into one of the planes
Hester sits in the pilots chair and starts up the plane
Nanna Joe is bustling around getting stuff settled
Hester has to push the throttle with her foot, by bracing against her chair to force it open
The plane surges forward onto the runway
Nanna Jo is in the hold dropping grenades out the open door as they run down the runway
Explosions pepper the runway as the pull up into the sky
'We have to get to the city and find people who will listen' says Nanna Joe
Deep Desert: late afternoon
Flying for hours
See a crashed plane
Bit more flying and they see two bodies lying out in the desert
They land and drag the unconscious two men into the planes hold.
Have something to eat, and Fall asleep under the planes wing.
Government office: night
The minister is shown video of the demolished fence and the dancing detainees.
'Well at least most had enough sense not to strike out into the desert' comments the minister.
'Quite imaginative really. Can't tunnel through sand so remove a section of the fence and walk out.'
'Yes sir' replied the head of desert police
Deep desert: morning
Hester wakes and watches three cop planes landing around her
Armed cops jump out of the planes and walk over, forming a rough ring encircling the women
Hester and Mama Joe are made to kneel on ground
Cop posturing and they shoot Mama Joe
Off in the distance behind the action, observant viewers will see one of the pilots jerk in his cockpit and disappear.
'Why?' sobs Hester
'Shot while escaping darln, just like you will be. Cept we need to keep you healthy till Jake gets here. He won the sweeps.'
Pilot leaves the plane and walks over, stands in the circle with the other men
Suddenly one of the cops doubles over, then another, and a third. Then all the cops are running around trying to find cover.
The pilot merges into the chose, appearing at random monuments behind cops under cover of the sniper and killing them.
Two of the cop planes take off and are circling to attack the plane that is still grounded
The pilot walks up to Hester who is still kneeling on the ground next to her mother. Shes staring at the ground and doesn't notice that He's pointing his gun at her.
Hester suddenly looks up at him and starts to run away.
'Hay hay,' he flips up the mirrored visor,
It was one of the guys that they had picked up.
'Be calm, I'm going to stand here pointing this gun at you so that these pistol packing lawmen think they've got you covered, and leave off shooting in this direction.' He motions with his hand to the gunfight raging around them.
'Who did you think was causing all this panic in the ranks?'
Hester shakes her head.
'My brother is over in that jet'
He pointed to the cop plane that still sat on the sand. It explodes as one of the airborne jets strafed a line of shells through its mid section
'Well, not at this moment anyways.' He turns back to her and grins.
'We better get our bird in the sky quick smart, cause those planes will circle about and be back over here to clean us up.'
Hester looks up at him.
'Look you have a choice, sit here and die next to the old lady, or get that plane in the air and help me smack those turkeys back.'
A police Sargent breaks cover from behind a dune and runs over to the pair.
Jed drops his visor and turns to face him.
'You've got one hell of a "pair" Jonesie. Shoot her, and concentrate on taking down the nut that's out there.'
Jed nods and shoots the sergeant.
Hester watches the mirrored visor turn back to her.
It tilts a silent question.
She stands and walks back to her plane
Insert air battle
They shoot down the remaining cop plane. The brother sits in the co pilot chair giggling and fires the weapons but its Hester's flying that allows them to win
They land amongst the carnage.
Exiting the plane they locate the other brother who is searching through the bodies of the dead cops.
'Hay Mo, you still breathing' yells out Jed
Mo stands and looks at them.
He's tall, wiry, and Hester reckons he's good looking.
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